People Pleaser, Pt. 1

Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah). —Colossians 3:23,24

One of the most freeing things that I have learned in my years of walking with the Lord is how to break free from being a people pleaser. Now, I am not talking about living a healthy, unselfish life where we make the needs of others a priority. I am talking about a pressure to perform—an unhealthy drive to be accepted and approved by others. It is a desire so strong that it influences and controls the majority of our decisions

I call this needing an “approval fix.” Like an addict who “needs” a certain drug, people pleasers have a need to be liked by other people. And when they can’t get their “fix”…watch out! The “withdrawal” symptoms kick in and they become unhappy, depressed and even angry.

Here’s how to tell if you’re a “people pleaser”:

First John 2:27 says, “But as for you, the anointing (the sacred appointment, the unction) which you received from Him abides [permanently] in you….”

One of the greatest signs of being a people pleaser is not being completely truthful with others about who we are. We say we like things we really don’t like. We go places and say we are enjoying it, when in reality, it is the last place on earth we want to be. And we nod our heads in agreement to things we don’t feel right about in our hearts. Instead of telling people the truth about our desires, feelings and thoughts, we develop a pattern of telling others what we think they want to hear in order to remain accepted. There are also times when people are dishonest about their true thoughts and feelings because they are trying to keep the other person “fixed” or happy.

Ephesians 4:15 says, God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love … Verse 25 goes on to say we are to …put away all falsehood and “tell your neighbor the truth” because we belong to each other (NLT). And in Colossians 3:9, we are told, Do not lie to one another, for you have stripped off the old self with its evil practices . I think it is pretty clear: God wants us to be truthful with each other at all times in a kind and considerate way.